Father Percy
by PrincessCeliel
Summary: *It is recommended that you read Mother Thalia and Father Nico first.* Thalia and Nico have been turned into little kids, and Percy's in charge of taking care of them. That means nothing can go wrong...right?
1. Not Hiding

**Hey guys! I know I said I would start Father Percy in July, but I just couldn't wait. The only problem is, I'm really scared that this won't be as funny as Mother Thalia or Father Nico. So if you guys can help – tell me if it's OOC, or if it isn't funny, or if it just sucks in general. Any help whatsoever would be so incredibly appreciated. Thank you so much!**

**And I do not own PJO.**

Perseus Jackson was not hiding. He did not _hide_. He was just…in Annabeth's cabin…underneath her bed…_not_ hiding.

"Hey guys." He heard the tired voice of his girlfriend entering the cabin. "I haven't seen Percy all day."

Someone mumbled something, but Percy couldn't hear.

Annabeth moved over to her bed, and Percy could see her feet. "Yeah, I think Thalia and Nico are looking for him. Well, actually, they're trying their best _not_ to look for him."

What the Hades did that mean?

Someone said something, and the cabin erupted into laughter. Annabeth sat down on her bed, and her legs swung out from underneath her.

Very, very slowly, Percy reached out and poked her ankle.

Nothing happened.

He reached out again, when someone shrieked. He yanked his hand back underneath the safety of the bed.

"Um, Annabeth, I may have found Percy." One of Athena's sons spoke up.

"Where?" Annabeth asked.

The kid must have pointed, because Annabeth cautiously lowered herself down, and peered under her bed. "Percy Jackson! What are you doing?"

"Shh!" Percy hissed. He waited until he was certain no one had heard Annabeth's outburst before leaning forward. "I'm _not_ hiding."

Annabeth sighed. "Percy! Chiron has been looking for you all day."

"Will you walk me to the Big House?" Percy pleaded.

Annabeth sighed. "Fine."

Percy silently cheered and crawled out of the cramped position he had been in for most of the day.

All the Athena campers stared at him, slightly horrified.

"Percy," Malcolm coughed. "How long were you planning on staying underneath Annabeth's bed?"

Percy paused. "Uh – I didn't really think that far ahead."

"Come on, Seaweed Brain." Annabeth snapped. "Dinner's going to be soon and I'm not going to be late because I was walking you to the Big House."

Percy jogged after her.

They made it to the Big House relatively quickly, and Annabeth pecked Percy on the cheek before heading to the dining pavilion.

Percy glanced left and right before hesitantly knocking on the door. Privately, he was praying that his cousins, Nico and Thalia wouldn't find him. They had turned completely insane overnight. Both of them were in cahoots with each other in a campaign to make Percy lose it. He just knew there was a secret conspiracy going on. It was probably called DPTTBOI, or Drive Percy To The Brink Of Insanity. See, Thalia and Nico suddenly seemed to have gained mind-reading abilities. They both knew EVERYTHING. It was super embarrassing. Nico kept telling him he made a good cat, and Thalia kept telling him that he should follow his dreams and become a famous singer.

The door swung open, and Percy took a step back. Instead of Chiron, someone else was waiting for him.

"Hi, Dad."


	2. Here They Come

**Disclaimer: I do not own PJO.**

**Also, I've heard of these things called "Requests," where readers ask for certain stories or one shots and then include specific things they want to see within them, and writers write those. I would like to start doing stuff like that, since I don't really have too many stories and stuff going on right now. Since, of course, I'm me, I have no idea how to sign up and stuff, so instead, I've just decided to tell as many people as I can about it. If you would like me to write something for you, you can go on my profile and see the categories that I like writing for, and then PM me about it. I would love to do anything for Percy Jackson, and then a few other categories. Thanks!**

Poseidon looked down at his son calmly. "Hello, Percy. Why don't you come in?"

"Sure." Percy nodded. "I heard that Chiron was calling me."

"Yes, he wanted you here because I need to speak with you."

Poseidon led Percy to the living room, and they sat down.

"Okay, so what did you want to talk to me about?" Percy asked. His dad rarely ever came down to visit, so this must have been serious.

"Percy, I'm sure you've noticed your cousins, Nico and Thalia, have been acting rather strange recently." Poseidon began.

"Yeah, they've become really weird." Percy agreed. "I don't get what's wrong with them! I mean, like, one second it's all cool, and then the next they're all like 'oh, you're hungry Percy,' and 'oh, you'd make a great cat Percy' and 'oh, you're not as stupid as you look, Percy, and you look pretty stupid,' and –"

"Perseus." Poseidon cut him off gently. "Yes, well, the reason they're like that is because they had to take a test. The test was that we, the gods, shrunk down you and one of your cousins to a very young age. Your other cousin that remained their age would have to take care of you children, and in the process, develop close relations. Close enough that they eventually were able to know instantly what you and the other cousin needed."

"Uh…" Percy paused. "So, Thalia and Nico took this test?"

"That's right." Poseidon nodded.

"Wait, so what does that have anything to do with me?" Percy questioned.

Poseidon sighed, and then explained it again.

Percy nodded slowly. "So I was a kid twice? Why don't I remember this?"

"We manipulated the mist to place false memories in your mind. Once you complete your test, all three of you should retain the memories of being young." Poseidon answered.

"Right…so…" Suddenly, a horrified expression dawned on Percy's face. "This means I have to take care of a little Thalia and Nico?!"

Poseidon jumped up. "Well, anyway, here is a wallet that will hold an endless amount of cash, drachmas, and credit cards, in case you need it. Also, your demigod smell has been removed, so you can go out of camp with the kids – oh, and Zeus and Hades have promised that you can go in the air, underground, or on the sea, without any issues from any of us. All right, son, good luck, and good bye!"

"Wait!" Percy yelled. "Can't we just play pinochle instead?"

Poseidon shook his head and disappeared with a flash of golden light.

Percy sighed, when he suddenly heard something outside. Carefully, he went over to the door and opened it, to reveal –

"Thalia? Nico?"

A little girl glared up at him. "Percy?"

"Um yes. Hello. It's nice to meet you." Percy said awkwardly.

"We know who you are." Nico told him.

Percy squinted at them. Thalia and Nico looked like they were around the same age, although what age that was, Percy wasn't sure.

"Do you know who we are?" Nico asked, suddenly looking very concerned. He turned to Thalia. "What if he doesn't know who we are?"

Thalia gasped and ran toward Percy. She put her arms around his right leg and began shaking back and forth wildly. "PERCY! DO YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE?"

"YES!" Percy shouted, snapping to attention. "I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!"

"GOOD!" Thalia shrieked. "CAN WE HAVE DINNER? I'M HUNGRY!"

"WHY ARE WE YELLING?" Nico shouted.

"I DON'T KN – um, yeah, let's go have dinner. And stop yelling." Percy nodded.

"ARE YOU GOING TO CARRY ME?" Thalia screamed.

Percy carefully put his arms around her and picked her up. "Will you stop yelling now?"

"NO!" Thalia screeched – right in his ear.

"Ow!" Percy whined. "That was painful."

"Don't be a crybaby." Nico said. "Ooh! Pick me up too!"

Percy grabbed Nico, and then stepped out of the Big House. Luckily, no one else was around to watch him. They'd all point and laugh and no one would help. Demigods were the worst at helping others.


	3. FLY

Percy walked into the dining pavilion, still holding his two cousins. He staggered toward the Poseidon table and dropped both of the kids.

"Okay, we're here." Percy sighed in relief. "What do you want to eat?"

"I'm not hungry." Nico whined.

"Yeah, me neither." Thalia nodded.

"But you said you were." Percy reminded them.

The two of them shrugged. "We lied."

"Well, what do you want to do?" Percy asked, hoping they would say something along the lines of 'sleep and stop embarrassing you in front of camp.'

"I want to sing." Nico told him. "Will you sing with me?"

"Uh, no thanks. You go ahead." Percy mumbled.

"Well, I want to eat your face." Thalia spoke up. "Rawr! I'm a zombie!"

Percy scanned the dining pavilion, looking for someone who might help.

A blonde face peered back at him, and Percy grinned in relief. The daughter of Athena always had a plan. "Annabeth! Can you help me?"

"You mean 'will I help you?' And I'm not sure." Annabeth replied, grinning at him to let him know she was teasing.

"Who's that?" Thalia asked.

"This is my girlfriend, Annabeth." Percy said proudly.

"Your girlfriend? Ew! Cooties!" Nico shouted.

"Aw, it's cute." Thalia replied. She turned to Percy. "Are you going to marry her and have three hundred babies?"

"Uh…" Percy shot a terrified look at Annabeth, who only snorted in amusement.

"Probably not three hundred." She amended.

Thalia nodded seriously. Then she stood up.

"FLY!"

Without warning, Nico shot forward and started punching Thalia. She hit him back, and he pulled her hair. Soon, they were in a full-out fist fight.

"Percy!" Annabeth cried. "Break it up!"

Percy reached forward, grabbing Nico's hand.

"Stop you guys! Don't hurt each other! No! Wrong! OW! ANNABETH! HE BIT ME!"

Annabeth rolled her eyes and separated the three – sorry, two – children.

"That was wrong. You should not be hurting each other. Nico, why did you do that in the first place?" Annabeth lectured gently.

"There was a fly on top of Thalia's head." Nico answered innocently.

Suddenly, a sharp buzzing sound reached Percy's ears. He turned to see a fly buzzing around his head. He batted away, and turned around.

Nico and Thalia were staring at him, contemplatively. They glanced at each other.

"FLY!"

Percy landed back on the ground, Nico and Thalia pummeling him mercilessly. The last thing he remembered before blacking out was that demigod training was really useless against two little kids. Man, this was just _embarrassing_.


	4. Long Night

**Dear Readers, **

**I'm sorry that I haven't been writing very much, but my school is going to start up soon.**

**However, I would like to ask a favor of you guys. Have any of you read the book "Speak" by Laurie Halse Anderson? For my school, I have to write a report on it, but I have almost no inspiration to write. **

**I'm sure that if I have someone to talk about the book, and bounce ideas, I would get some inspiration, but unfortunately, I don't know anyone who has read the book. **

**If any of you have read the book and wouldn't mind discussing it and stuff, would you PM me?**

**I would really appreciate having someone understand what I'm talking about when I rant, and vice versa. **

**If anyone at all would PM me, I would really be grateful.**

**Thank you!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson.**

When Percy woke up, he immediately remembered his horrible dream. It was the worst nightmare he'd ever had – even worse than Kronos and the nightmares that followed that. His two cousins, Nico di Angelo and Thalia Grace, had been turned into little kids!

Relieved that it had just been an awful nightmare, Percy opened his eyes. He recognized the ceiling of the infirmary, and paused. Why exactly was he in the infirmary?

"Good, you're awake." Annabeth's voice floated into his mind. "Get up."

Slowly, he swung himself out of bed. "Hey. Annabeth, you wouldn't believe the dream I just had..."

Thalia and Nico, aged (well, Percy didn't actually know what age they were) were staring back at him.

"Oh...so I guess it wasn't a dream." He muttered to himself.

"You're such a wimp, Percy." Thalia stated matter-of-factly.

"Excuse me?" Percy stood up.

"Yeah, I mean, we were just punching at the fly. Why did you go to sleep?" Nico cut in. "Bedtime's not until nine!"

"What time is it?" Percy turned to Annabeth, ignoring the fact that two little kids were calling him a wimp.

"Nine." Annabeth replied. "But that's beside the point. Perce, you're supposed to this whole thing by yourself. I can't keep coming to your rescue when things get out of hand."

"You mean, you're not going to help me?" Percy asked, horrified.

"I mean, I can't help you." Annabeth corrected. "It would literally be going against the gods. So, Chiron and I had a conversation, and we decided that it would be best if you and the kids left camp for a little while. You could go somewhere fun, like to a museum, or a historical landmark."

"What? I have to leave camp?" Percy sat down, suddenly feeling faint. "With those two? All by myself? What?"

"You'll be fine, Percy. You're great with kids!" Annabeth told him with false enthusiasm. It was obvious that she wasn't thrilled about setting Percy with two kids loose on the city, either. "Plus, you can always IM me."

"Ooh! Ooh! Can we go to the zoo?" Thalia shrieked.

"Yeah!" Nico agreed. "ZOO! ZOO! ZOO!"

"ZOO! ZOO! ZOO! ZOO! ZOO! ZOO!"

"OKAY!" Percy shouted over the chanting. "We'll go to the zoo. Annabeth, we can still come back for the night, right?"

"Um..."

"Could you at least make a reservation at a hotel for me?" Percy pleaded, giving her his best puppy dog look.

Annabeth sighed. "Fine. I'll let you know where I find a free room."

"Yes!" Percy pumped his fist in the air, before turning to his two little cousins. "All right, guys, zoo it is!"

"Woohoo! Yay!" Thalia cheered.

"Aww, man!" Nico complained. "I wanted to go to the ballet."

Percy paused. "What? Why did you chant for the zoo, then?"

"Because I thought you got that I meant that I wanted to go to the ballet." Nico explained.

"Why do you want to go to the ballet? Do you even know what that is?" Percy asked.

"Yes! It's where swans act like people!" Nico stated proudly.

Percy glanced around the room before nodding slowly. "Well, okay, then."

"You have no idea what a ballet is, either, do you?" Annabeth accused.

"Well, I know it has dancing in it!" Percy said defensively. "Anyway, maybe we can find a ballet on our way to the zoo."

"Yay! Woohoo!" Nico shouted.

Percy put his hands over his ears and sighed. "Tomorrow, okay? We'll do all this tomorrow. For now, let's go to sleep."

"Okay." The two kids chirped. They climbed into the bed and crawled next to Percy. Once they were comfortable, they curled into two balls and promptly fell asleep.

Percy winced. Thalia was sleeping on his arm, and Nico was on his stomach.

This was going to be a long night.


	5. Clothing

When Percy woke up the next morning, Nico and Thalia were both on opposite ends of the bed, fast asleep. Relieved at not having to deal with them so early, Percy quietly snuck outside. Here was his chance...

"Percy? What are you doing?"

Percy whirled around to see Annabeth, giving him a suspicious look.

"Nothing!" Percy answered quickly. "I was not running away!"

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "Well, I just came to tell you that I got you a reservation at a Mariott hotel. It took me a while to convince Chiron that you deserved it, so you better not ruin this."

"I won't, I promise. Thank you so much, Annabeth!" Percy grinned. He pumped his fist in the air.

"No problem. So, Percy, what exactly are you going to pack? You and the kids aren't going to wear the same outfits every day, now are you?" Annabeth asked, watching him in dry amusement.

"Aw man." Percy sighed. "But the Scooby Doo gang do it all the time."

"What?"

"Never mind. Yeah, yeah, I'll go talk to Chiron about it. We can stop by the mall on the way to the zoo and ballet." Percy grumbled. "Or do you think Walmart has good enough clothes?"

Annabeth grinned. "Or you could go ask the Aphrodite cabin."

Percy paused. "Or I could do that."

"You can go now. I'll keep an eye on Nico and Thalia until you get back."

Percy kissed his girlfriend gratefully. "I'll be back in two minutes. Maybe three."

Annabeth smiled and shook her head. "Hurry up. I'm not supposed to be helping you, remember?"

"I won't tell if you won't." Percy winked before hopping off the steps and jogging away. He could hear Annabeth's laughter, and he smiled to himself.

The Aphrodite cabin came into view, and Percy took a deep breath before knocking.

Luckily, Mitchell answered the door. Percy liked Mitchell.

"Hey Percy. Do you need a bag of clothes for Nico and Thalia?"

"How did you know?" Percy exclaimed.

Mitchell grinned sheepishly. "Well, Thalia and Nico both asked for help on their turns, too. We just kept a bag of enchanted clothes on hand, since we figured it might be helpful."

"I think that the entire camp is more prepared for this than I am." Percy grumbled.

"Well, we've all had more practice than you." Mitchell pointed out, handing Percy the bag.

"Mitchell, I've got to ask. How was I as a kid?" Percy asked suddenly.

Mitchell was suddenly very interested in his shoes. "Um..."

Percy suddenly was hit with a feeling of dread. "Actually, never mind. I'll just go know. Nico and Thalia will be waking up soon."

Mitchell seemed relieved. ""Okay. Bye!"


	6. Pink

By the time Percy returned, both Nico and Thalia were wide awake.

"Percy!" Nico threw himself into Percy's arms. "That girl, your Cootie-Friend, says that I have to take a bath! I don't wanna take a bath!"

"Uh, Nico, taking a bath is a really good idea." Percy began, trying to convince Nico.

Nico gave him a horrified look. "You and Cootie-Friend are on the same side!"

"Don't call her Cootie-Friend! Her name is Annabeth." Percy reprimanded.

"Cootie-Annabeth?" Nico asked in confusion.

"No, just Annabeth."

"Just-Annabeth?" Nico repeated. His horrified expression returned. "Just-Annabeth wants me to take a bath!"

"I brought you some new, really cool clothes!" Percy quickly changed the subject. "But they have this magic on them. You can only get to wear them if you take a bath."

"MAGICAL CLOTHES!" Thalia shrieked in excitement. She threw herself off the bed and sprinted for the bathroom.

Nico wobbled off the bed and hurried after her. "Wait! I wanna shower!"

"Here, Nico, you can use a different bathroom." Percy called after him.

It took forty-five minutes, with Percy alternating from Thalia's bathroom to Nico's bathroom, but eventually, they got ready.

Well, Thalia got ready.

Nico looked in dismay at the blue jeans and the white T-shirt, with the cast of _Adventure Time!_ on it.

"This is pink! I'm not wearing pink! Pink is a girl color! Get me something brown."

Percy took a deep breath, wondering how to convince Nico that the pink hair of one of the characters would do nothing to affect his manliness.

Suddenly, electricity seemed to crackle. Percy whirled around to see Thalia, dangerously livid. She hopped off the bed and stormed over to stand towering over Nico. Her few inches height gave her an intimidating advantage.

"Thalia…" Percy squeaked, looking around desperately for Annabeth. He couldn't exactly take down a little kid with Riptide, no matter how scary she looked.

"Excuse me?" Thalia thundered. "I'm wearing pink! I eat pink ice cream! I like pink! Do you see me frolicking in the fields and pooping out rainbows? Do you? DO YOU?!"

Nico wore the _Adventure Time!_ shirt.


	7. Shark Flavor

Percy wondered why he even tried. He really wondered.

After hopping in the shower, and then throwing some clothes on, he'd taken Thalia and Nico to the dining pavilion, where they'd barely managed to pick up a pancake before Chiron had trotted over, saying that Argus was ready to go.

Argus had dropped them off in front of a zoo.

"Zoo!" Thalia screamed excitedly. "Zoo! Zoo!"

"I wanted ballet where swans get to be people!" Nico pouted angrily. He turned on Percy. "Where is my swan?"

"Okay, first of all, you're not getting a swan. Second of all, we'll go to your ballet after the zoo. How about that? Maybe we'll go tomorrow or something, and spend the whole day there instead of just part of the day." Percy said diplomatically.

Nico nodded thoughtfully. "Okay. But I still get a swan, right?"

He ran away before Percy could refuse.

Percy sighed and shook his head – he'd deal with that problem when they got there. For now, he had to figure out how to wander through the zoo without killing anyone.

Unfortunately, "anyone" also included his two, _lovely_ cousins.

"Wait! Nico! Thalia!" Percy yelled out desperately as he noticed them rushing away. "Let's get some food first!"

Instantly, they popped up at his side again.

"Ice cream?" Thalia asked hopefully.

"Let's eat shark!" Nico shouted.

Percy blinked. "Shar – uh, let's eat ice cream for breakfast."

Thalia cheered.

Nico punched Percy in the knee in disappointment.

Percy crumpled to the ground, groaning in pain.

After a few minutes of rolling around trying not to cry, he managed to get up.

They walked into an ice cream parlor that had just opened. The lady behind the counter leaned over and smiled at Nico and Thalia.

"Hello, kids. Are you having fun? What kind of ice cream do you want?"

"I'm having lots of fun!" Thalia said politely. "Can I have strawberry ice cream please?"

Percy tried not to choke. Thalia Grace, saying _please_?

"I'm having a bad day. I wanted to go to the ballet and get a swan, but we came to the zoo again. Do you have any ice cream that's shark flavored?" Nico asked, reaching for a stray spoon on the counter.

The lady blinked.

"He means chocolate!" Percy blurted out. "He calls chocolate shark flavor."

"Well, what would you like, young man?" The lady nodded.

"I'll have blue ice cream, thank you." Percy decided.

Thalia glanced at him. "Nico can't have shark flavor, but you're going to have blue?"

"Blue is raspberry." Percy explained. "There's no such thing as shark flavor."

"Blue is shark flavor?" Nico turned on Percy. "BUT YOU JUST SAID BROWN WAS SHARK FLAVOR! WHICH ONE IS SHARK FLAVOR?"

Percy put his hand over Nico's mouth. "Brown. Brown is shark flavor."

"Oh, okay." Nico nodded and happily skipped over to a table.

Percy breathed a sigh of relief.

He should've known his relief wouldn't last long.

As they were finishing their ice cream, an elderly lady walked in. Her eyes landed on Percy, cleaning off Nico's stray shark flavor ice cream with a napkin, and she stormed over.

"How dare you!" She shrieked, pointing a bony finger at Percy.

"I'm sorry, have we met?" Percy asked in confusion.

"How dare you have two children? What kind of example do you think you're setting for them, that their father was a teenage dad? Don't you teenagers understand that abstinence is the best form of birth control? Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"

Percy glanced at Nico and Thalia, who both looked utterly terrified. Calmly, he stood up.

"Ma'am, if you would please calm down, I'll explain to you that I'm not a teenage dad. As a matter of fact, these two kids are my cous –"

He was cut off by the old lady's huge, heavy purse, colliding with his face.

"GAH! My face!" Percy cried out, landing on the ground. He didn't have any time to get his bearings, though, because the bag continued its assault on him, while the old lady hurled out insults.

"You are the personal cause of slavery, you charlatan! How can you call yourself a father, with the way you treat your children! Ice cream for breakfast? What kind of deadly ritual is that? You are the reason the Civil War started!" The woman screamed.

"Lady…" Percy gasped. "Didn't the Civil War happen before I was born?"

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE BECAUSE YOU CAUSED AN ASTERIOD TO COME DOWN TO EARTH!" The woman screeched. Her bag kept up its abuse.

"Um, excuse me, Bag Lady," Nico spoke up calmly. "Are you a swan?"


End file.
